Removing the Gunk
This week I’ve been ruminating on the concept of working at our “highest potential.” WTF does that mean inside a pandemic, recent political insurrection, and general overall not great vibe leftover from 2020 as a whole? Here’s my story:
Usually the holidays for my family are when we can FINALLY be all together, for better or worse, for at least a few days. We are all very spread out across the country and it is not often we are able to share space and time together. Obviously, this year huge changes to that tradition were made…#covid. This holiday I felt EXTREMELY lucky to get to even see my 2 siblings- and realize many people didn’t even have this. (I’m not gonna bore you with all the tests, research, prep, and other shit we did in order to spend 3 weeks together).
It was incredible to be with them, but what my sister and I specifically noticed was also how stress free it seemed compared to so many of our previous holiday gatherings. Because it was only us- my sister, her husband, and my brother- we were able to relax and laugh and be ourselves almost 100% of the time. There was no dealing with older relatives with views we can’t support, or dealing with younger relatives who are still too cool to appreciate time together. It was so easy to just be present. And I realized how in years past, that ability wasn’t achievable at all.
Dealing with people who aren’t great to be around (family, co-workers, roommates, partners) is draining. On a woo level, your vibration drops. Your aura shrinks. You’re digging deep into the root to find stability and foundation in an environment that might not feel totally safe. Anxiety, depression, aggression- any number of not great feels start to rise to the surface. And everyone around you is affected as well.
It was so interesting to chat with my sister (a Marriage and Family Therapist) about how each of us in past family gatherings was not only struggling with difficult relatives, but then also not able to be fully present, our “best selves”, with each other- the people we love spending time with the most.
My go to reaction is to avoid a situation I can’t solve or don’t like- but inside this avoidance I now have an extra layer blocking me from experiencing and enjoying the fun stuff, for example, how funny my siblings are. When we are all stressed, my sister naturally slides into a peace-keeper role, but stresses over what others are feeling. My brother can get a bit confrontational and easily agitated. Obviously, I’d rather hang out with my fun, walls down, witty, insightful siblings…not the versions of them in fight/flight/freeze mode.
It might seem like- ok Clint so now you’re bitching about being around people when we haven’t been around people but I promise there’s a point. Is there someone/something in your life right now that’s keeping you from being neutral you? The you without conditioning layered on top, the you without having to put on a mask? Have you taken a look to see what is changeable and what ripple effect you have by not trying to get rid of the stuff that’s fucking you up? It’s not selfish (I mean it is and I’m 100% asking you to be) to not want to exist in a space that won’t allow your own growth. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. When you are able to be fully, naturally present you are more capable of bringing your best to the table. And that allows the rest of us to be ourselves and potentially bring our best too.
That’s my story. Get rid of the bullshit around you so I can feel better. But so will you, and your partner, and your pet, and your co-workers, and your kids, and your family, and your neighbor…And it gives them all permission to raise their own vibration as well.
